the pursuit of authenticity : part one

authenticity is a big fucking word. big in meaning and popularity. so big that i've dedicated a multi-part blog series to it. so big that it has become the buzzword for all new year new me revolutionaries. yet, its meaning - genuine, original - is as confusing as it is profound. it's equally as difficult to achieve as it is to pursue. and truthfully, it's not for everybody.

every instayogi leads me to believe that everyone wants to be authentic - but, do they? being authentic means stripping away the layers of narratives, mantras, and life goals we tell and set for ourselves. being authentic means removing the idealized self from our vision, and staring our actualized self in the eyes - shortcomings and hard fucking truths included.

and maybe, some of us don't want to know the truth. who wants to realize - shit, i don't love this person, but they make me feel safe. i only want this promotion to quiet my insecurity about my own intellectual abilities.  my friends bore me, but i'm scared to be alone. i am unhappy.

maybe we lie to ourselves so much that we don't really know who we love, what we want, and where we belong.
maybe we lie to ourselves so much that we don't really know who we are. 

if we face our truth, we run the risk of taking responsibility for change.  that moment you recognize the space between your actual and idealized self, you take responsibility for leading your most authentic life. and that's not a responsibility that everyone is willing to bear.  making a change can be more terrifying than settling, more terrifying than staying stagnant, and more terrifying than living a life of lies.

life is easier if we carry on as is - eyes closed and truths silenced. we don't ruffle feathers. we don't call off weddings. we don't disappoint family. we don't lose friends or gain enemies. life is easier in the near term. but, maybe not today, or tomorrow, but eventually, your authentic soul's whisper will become a voice so loud, its vibrations will shake you to your core until you are forced to face the truth. 

truth, genuine, original, authentic, truth, always comes out.

and when that happens - because it will happen, be glad and fucking own it. own the chaos that might temporarily erupt as you strip away the bull shit, lose the lies, face your truths, and prepare to walk into a space for your authentic self to grow.

all of us have the ability to live our most authentic life - but not all of us will pursue it. the risk is too much to bear. but those who do, will be rewarded the freedom that an inauthentic life simply cannot afford.