mediumship workshop 101

so today was interesting. 

i went to a mediumship workshop and all i got was more WTF questions than answers. 

per usual, when one ponies up $60 to talk to someone who talks to dead people, they obvi. anticipate hearing from their dearly departed - encouraging words, validations, answers to the questions that keep us up at night. so naturally, i was pretty jazzed up to attend a three hour workshop on the history of mediumship, the tools to access mediumship, and messages from the medium.

after a really all over the place intro to mediumship 101 - something about hamlet, susan b. anthony, greek oracles, and a man on the moon (seriously) - said medium had two people sit up at the front of the room and they were instructed to "read" each other. bam. just like that. no, "hi, how are you? here's a few pointers to get you started." just straight up, "sit down, close your eyes, and tell me the first letter that comes to mind." 

now, if you missed spirit diaries #1, i went into my personal experience accessing the passed on. i've gone to healers who have confirmed my ability, but yet, like all rational human beings, i obviously still question my own sanity and authenticity in this respect. so naturally, i was too timid to volunteer to read anyone else. rather, i sat back, felt the energy in my body rise, as my palms began to pulse, my chest began to tighten, and my throat closed up like a hypoallergenic exposed to crunchy skippy. 

i knew these signs - this is what happens to me when i am experiencing spirit or energy. with each pair taking turns, i was getting my own feelings of what letters should be said or which relatives are coming forward. yet, i still was too timid to put my money where my energy was. 

except this time, with 35 mourning women and two men (shout out to my husband) in the room, it was so hard to know what energy was for who, from who, and saying what. it reminded me of graduate school in my group dynamics course. even then, i was pigeonholed as the one in the class who held everyone's unconscious feelings and emotions, the collective energy per say. though this can be somewhat helpful in my personal relationships, it's hard to distinguish where i end and others begin and how best to channel and interpret those feelings.

by the fourth pair of amateur mediums, the head medium asked the whole group to share any sensations that we may be personally experiencing. i felt propelled to raise my hand and she had me come to the front of the room. as i sat down and began to open my mouth, my heart literally felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. i got so hot that i contemplated taking my sweater off, but, well, it's not 2005 and i'm not at a seedy bar in the lower east side. the medium began to ask me questions...

what are you feeling?

well, i literally can't swallow, so...

ah, that's normal. that's what happens when i read spirit too. our throat chakra closes up.

well that's encouraging.

what else is happening?

then, like i walked into a parallel universe, i go into a whole monologue about this woman that i was sensing and seeing. i'm not sure how long i was talking, a few minutes or so. but i went from having no idea why i was feeling what i was feeling, to suddenly unlocking this woman's entire backstory. 

she was in her late twenties, maybe early 30's and my image took place in the 80's. she stood in front of her bathroom mirror, excited. her hair was curly and crinkly, like she used that old school blue hair gel to get her kinks just right. she wore pink lipstick and was happy. really happy.  like she was getting ready for something fun.  then i had this image of her standing outside her car in her driveway. it's like a photograph burned into my mind.  i didn't feel much more, except that it felt like that was the last time she was alive. 

i was in a daze. as i snapped out of it, it just seemed so far fetched. a woman in the back of the room said her manager, who fit the description, died in the 80's in a car crash. ok.  but something just didn't feel right. yet, i still couldn't shake the image of her by the car out of my mind. however, after i said my peace, my chest began to loosen, my palms found a steady resting pace, my body temperature cooled off, and my throat slowly began to open. maybe i tapped into something real. maybe the vaporizer i took a hit off of last week had some lasting effects. 

after that awkward encounter, the head medium began to read the room. the readings were flying out of her mouth incoherently and in-congruently with her intended subject's experience. of course, it didn't help that she had 35 grieving women and two men vying to hear something, anything, from the ones they love. it seemed like every other person related to the eldery man who passed on, who experienced chest pains and wished he could've said 'i love you' one more time. with each reading she did, there was a collective wave of desperation and confusion in the air, with one person vying for closure more than the next. 

i'm not saying that this experience made me a disbeliever about my own or others' supernatural abilities. and i'm not saying that she was a fraud. but i'm saying that i don't know what i'm saying because i left with more questions than answers. luckily, i scheduled some time with my tarot card reader, so it won't be long until i have it all figured out.