cheerleaders vs. crapleaders

i've been thinking a lot lately about shitty friends. i've been thinking about the few people in my life that have always, continuously, let me down. yet, i still worry about what i might have done wrong to warrant their shittyness and how much longer i will allow this tension to weigh me down.

but then i look at it like this...

i divide friendships into two categories. cheerleaders and the opposite of cheerleaders. crapleaders? like, when i'm in spin, and i'm in my zone, and 'i will survive' remix is bumping and i'm thinking about every jerk face boy that's ever dumped me and how good i look now and how it's their loss and r.e.s.p.e.c.t and just like killing it on my pedal stroke, i picture my friends divided on two sides of the imaginary road in front of me.

there is the one group of friends that are cheering me on, 'YAS GIRL!!!!!! YOU ARE KILLING IT. YOU OWN IT. BE. YONCE GIRL!" and spewing out every inspiring cliche they've ever read on the 'gram. and i'm like, 'HELL YES I OWN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' as i let out one of those really uncomfortable bedroom moans that feel so good, and, for some reason, is socially acceptable in spin class. 

and then there is the other group of my not-really-my-friend-friends, standing opposite, that look like their cats just died. they are the 'friends' that give a half-smile when i tell them that i just got a job interview, in the same field they have been trying to break into for years. they are the 'friends' that 'can't make it' to a single birthday. or, the 'friends' that didn't check in ONCE after i told them i was pregnant with my first baby. they are the 'friends' that if they were spinning next to me, would be checking out my RPM, determined to spin faster, and harder, than me. which is cute with your spouse, but not with your friend. they are the 'friends' that i still feel obligated to invite, to apologize to, and to play nice with. 

so while i'm spinning in class, trying to garner my strength to push through the next hill, and visualizing both sets of 'friends' on opposite sides of the imaginary road, i wonder, why the hell am i using up my bad ass energy on the crapleaders? 

if you've ever taken my yoga class, you've heard me say time and time again, fill your space with the people, places, and things that make.you.feel.good. why is it so hard to just let the crapleaders go? why is it so hard to only fill my space with the people in my life that have shown up, want to make me feel good, and genuinely celebrate my milestones as if they were their own?

ah, i know why. cause i'm fucking human with emotions and all types of feels. as humans, it's not easy to admit that we were wrong (about picking our shitty friend to begin with) and it's even harder to walk away from them (for fear of being hurt or hurting others). 

we want to believe that every choice we make is a good one. that haircut. that outfit. that friend. and admitting that we were off the mark with any of our decisions, is tough. 'i'm such a good judge of character, how could i have been so off?' but maybe it's not so much that we misjudged these 'friends', but that at one point in time, that 'friend' served a different purpose in our lives. but as we grow and evolve and our characters deepen (thanks to life experience and happenstance), we are simply meant to re-judge and re-assess. and that's a good thing. that's a liberating feeling and enables us to make necessary shifts. 

the moment we realize that those we surround ourselves with have the ability to make us feel good or hold us back, is the moment that we are empowered to clear the crapleaders from our space and make more room for the cheerleaders.

but, how does one do that without hurting someone's feelings? how does one do that without getting into a super uncomfortable confrontation? how does one do that without having that person tell us all the things that we might have done wrong, to make them such shitty friends to begin with?

we don't.

every action has a reaction and we cannot control the outcome of our shifts.

but i do know that if you are brave enough to take an assessment of the people that fill your space - those that raise your vibration and those who steal your shine - then you are courageousness enough to let them go. and in your authenticity, the universe will always carry you as you transition from one road, to the next.